Matrimonial sites - the world's worst creation

I have categorized this set of posts as ----> from the sickeningly optimistic to the cynic!

There are two things, only two things in this world that I regret. One of them is registering myself in a matrimonial site. I did it as a 'trial'. I guess my blog speaks about my views on relationships, so I needn't give a recap! Anyway, I was shocked at the way relationships are made out to be a joke in these sites. No photo, no expression of interests. And yes, no matter how dark or fat the guy is, he wants a fair beautiful damsel, preferably homely. My foot! Anyway, this is typical of every ad for marriage. What is worse about these sites? Lots more!!

First and foremost the express interest through a button and canceling it with the same button is idiotic! What is this? Some kind of game? And there is actually an option to select all and express interest. Chance maaro, lage toh theek hai, nahiin toh forget it?? What nonsense. Isn't it enough that my generation males and females already treat everything like a game?

The next thing that is absolutely idiotic is the 'pay' part. Pay to view contact details! How idiotic. Is it some shop? First of all I think matrimonial sites are idiotic to the core, why the freaking hell would I pay for it? And the success stories??? They are the worst!

Another thing about these is the safety aspect. Their stupid stamp or seal for verification is not enough to see if the person is really interested or is doing time pass. Or worse, he thinks it is just another dating site.

I can go on about how these sites promote materialism and treating human beings like shopping items. But I guess, I am done for now.

Plants need nurturing to grow, just like relationships...

For once I am not going to question, because this is something I have observed. And I have experienced it myself. I have also heard people say, "Those two look so good together", if it is a couple. Or "what a close knit family" or "Look at those friends, they are so close..." But do people realize, great relationships don't happen, but one needs to work towards it??

Yes, maybe I am repeating myself, but the other day I had spoken about working towards what one wanted in general. Today it is about relationships.

When we start a relationship, that is the initial stage of getting to know a person, it is analogous to sowing a seed. This becomes the first and the most important step. But many a time, I have noticed that after this stage, the seed is just left alone. Yes, maybe the rain and other external stimuli will make it grow, but will the plant be green? Will she flower and bloom? Nope, there will just be a wilted plant which will be cared for once in a while...

Bringing this philosophy to relationships, if you read all these magazines which according to me mislead people about 'love' and blah, they talk about the initial excitement of relationships which die down after a while. 'Relationship experts' often talk about rekindling the interest in a relationship. Well, I never narrow down only to male female type of relationship, even friends drift away for various reasons. Anyway, not digressing too much my point is, from the very beginning if we take pains and care to have an insight into the people close to us, taking care of small things, will there ever be a necessity to rediscover a relationship? Small things like connecting with those we care every time we can helps so much. A small action speaks so much more than just words which may have no value unless they are meant from the heart. Time, care, thoughtfulness, taking that extra step to bring a smile a loved one's face is so much more important than sweet talk or gifts.

One most important thing in my opinion about relationships is the fact that we need to value people who are there in our lives. This value adds so much more happiness quotient and vibrancy to the relationship and THAT's what makes people glow. That's what makes people say "Wow, how lucky you are to have her/him in your life" I just want to say "it's not luck my dear, they worked towards it, and it shows..."

Meaning of meaning - originally in para-schizo

Second post today with similar titles. But this I mean what I mean. And say what I say.And say what I mean and mean what I say!!

Ok, Jokes apart... I have always seen we all do something for a meaning. Everything has a meaning. A purpose, a definition, why? If you look at it, I'm trying to add meaning to this article as well by the question why...

Why does everything have a name? an identity? a label? Why does everything we do have a purpose? a set agenda? a meaning? Why can't we just stick to random adjectives? Why does matching take place? Matching of a particular adjective to a particular thing? More so, if a person has behaved in a particular way, why is s/he looked at in THAT particular way? Why is there a label attached to her/him?

Coming back to meaning in the true sense, I remember how much I hated definitions in school. Ok mostly because they were too long and abstruse! But also because they made no sense. I have always asked and continue to ask why is there a need to define everything. Why not just learn how it works? For eg why should I learn about malleability? Isn't it enough if I know metals can be cut into thin sheets? This brings me to a small digression - A person who cuts the sheet of metal say a not so educated person, knows that the metal can be cut into sheets. He just doesn't know that jargon - malleability! So can I conclude that the difference between an educated person and an uneducated person is just that the former knows how it works and the latter only knows the definition???

We can also look at meaning from a different perspective. Meaning as in purpose. What's in it for me? What is the benefit? How will it help me tomorrow? Yes, I know about Urguay's (kungfu Panda) quote "today is a gift, that's why it is called the present" but that's not my point... My point is why is meaning added to all we do? Study? For marks? Degree? For job? Has anyone ever done anything just like that?? For the heck of it? with no meaning or purpose???

Finally coming to the worst part of meaning. As it is, meanings can be bad, but what about overdose of it? I mean adding meaning to something is trying to understand what is not and not what is!!! Adding meaning to everything, reading between lines. Ironically there is neither purpose, nor future nor sensibility involved!

On a lighter note, I have seen so many people (many a time me as well) using "I mean" Next time I'd like to ask ourselves, do we really have to???

Stress on stress - originally in para-schizo

Stress - The simple reason why I haven't been blogging. Yeah I know, great excuse. But I just realized how unnecessary this whole stress is..

My stress is to do with work. So I was like, who doesn't get stressed at work?? So I thought it was normal. But hey no that's simply not true. Stress is bad for us, that's it. Without preaching let me explain. What is stress? Stress is pressure that we decide to take on ourselves, a choice made by us. I mean, if I choose not to get stressed, I won't right?

But is it that simple?? Unfortunately not. Some things , especially challenges shot at me affect me. Anybody telling me "you can't do it" I just have to, and since my boss knows that's my weakness...

Anyway I have thought about the whole thing calmly. Stress is simply not good. Challenges have to be accepted but not at my or anybody's cost. That's stupidity. In the past few days my temper has risen so many times for small things. will I be able to undo all of that? Will my scowl solve matters? My pressurizing people because of getting pressurized in turn won't do me or anyone any good right?

At the same time, it is inevitable. But when I see chain smokers and addicts (to various stimulants) I feel, at least I'm not her/him!! But still it is inevitable. Boss's words, clients getting upset, team mates not cooperating all can get on one's nerves. And it will continue to do so! But the only point is not to bring it home.

Trust me to give an excuse for 4 paragraphs saying the same thing over and over. Ok, truth is I am trying to deal with work pressure myself (I hate the word stress!) so can't give gyan about it!!!

Attention? Stand at ease!!! - originally from para-schizo

Nope! I am not here to give lessons in march past! I didn't learn it properly myself! (He he he) Anyway why do we behave in a way we do? Isn't it for attention? Or the lack thereof? Or to avoid it? Anything and everything we do falls in one of the three above categories... Isn't it?

Twitter, Facebook status, Orkut status, blogs... These only prove my point. Yes not everyone updates her/his status. But doesn't that attract attention too in the long run? We can say, naa people don't care. But come on, social sites are for catching up with old friends, and old friends stay in touch, so a lack of update of status can actually call for an old friend's attention! "What's up with you?" Sounds familiar??

Now coming to real life relationships, isn't attention the main criterion here as well? Whether with friends or parents or relatives or partner, whether we call it spending time, staying in touch, or taking time off for that person.. whatever it is, it all zeroes down to one thing, our attention on that person at that time...

Giving our opinion about someone, complimenting, praising, criticizing, commenting.. It all shows attention. Ironically, ignoring also reflects attention. Boycotting, the most!! The person being boycotted is clearly more in the limelight than a person being complimented(!!) What about secretive people? Are they asking for attention too? Or is it that they just end up getting it because of being the centre of people's curiosity??

While talking about attention, we can't forget two things. Popularity and fame. What's the difference between the two? The similarity is that they are the centre of attention all the time! The difference, in my opinion, is that popularity is amongst a small group and because of the person herself/himself. While fame is on a larger scale, known for a deed / profession / something they do. So all famous people are popular but not viceversa!!

Jumping on, I can't resist but talk about diplomacy! What do diplomatic people do? They talk indirectly. They take no sides. They do all this for not getting into trouble or to shy away from attention, but do they realize they are the ones most talked about?? Paradoxical isn't it??

Advertising, marketing, parties, ... Yes corporate life... We earn our rice and sambhar (I don't eat bread and butter) because of attention. From our clients. From our customers... Oof!

The more I write about this topic, the more I realize how irrational I am being when I say I don't like attention! More specifically, the centre of it. Then again, should I think I am the epicentre of the world all the time? hehehhehe! Bad joke. Like it or not, it is inevitable. But, I just want to be the centre of 'those' people's world. And they know who they are...

Who is disabled? - originally in para-schizo

As children all of us are innocent, ignorant about a lot of things... our minds are simple and there is no prejudice... Then one day.. All of us grow up. Gone are the days of innocence and forgiveness. We start getting increasingly bitter, we read between the lines, we think of revenge and ego powers us...

Petey, my favourite book till date, is about a boy with cerebral palsy. He can't talk properly, but his healing touch and smile lightened up many lives. He could never understand sarcasm or bitterness. For him his life was about spreading joy...

What made Rizwan in My name is Khan click? His disability, more so the fact that Rizwan was genuine. He was as innocent as an infant and ignorant of sarcasm! For him it was WYSIWYG! He will do anything for the people he loves. Even if it may sound stupid to others, even if it could be dangerous...

Where is our genuinity? Why are we so prejudiced? Why is it difficult for us to forgive? Why can't we be happy with simple things in life? Why do we put ego first? I think the answer to all questions comes from the fact that we think so much. Even as I write this I am thinking, can I even relate to what I am saying? I mean it was beautiful to read the book and watch the movie, but can I EVER associate myself with them?

Now who's normal? They or us??

Reception deception - originally in para-schizo

I think the title is enough to explain my distaste about receptions! So let's jump to the reasons. Let me first start with a disclaimer: I don't mind attending receptions, the following is from the poor groom and bride's POV. I cannot be the groom even empathetically (gender issues hehehehe) So from the POV of the abla nari bride...

As I walk into the hall, I felt like a bakri. Only one completely painted. My sari yes, silk sari, Kancheevarm silk sari was making me choke. And adding to the icing on my cake was my jewellery. The necklace, the girdle, the forehead hanging, the earring, and the thing hanging between my ear and hair. Waitaminut did I tell you I can't feel my hair. There are jasmine flowers, orange flowers, roses, all hanging... My poor head. Head se yaad aaya. Apart from a gold thing hanging on my forehead there is some strange red and white dots on both sides of my forehead threatening to get smudged since I'm sweating... eeeeee.. btw that was my smile for the entry to the dais. Hey I am not an apsara.. why the stage?? And what the hell is a throne doing there? or is it for Mr. Indra?? hehhehe. It's the most ridiculous looking throne anyway. Flash, click, click. Why am I feeling so hot? Oh yeah, this garland. Now I feel like a politician as well. Jai ho!! Only thing like an american First lady since he is wearing a suit! With a tie(!!!) Oh why?? That was a pun... For rhyming and I mean OH WHY! Anyway. I've just entered and I wish everyone would just disappear. I really don't want to know what's in those gift boxes or I don't want anymore bouquets! I feel like a bouquet myself and once more this cameraman asks me to smile I'll throw my teeth at him!!!!!! Grrrr... The only thing that's good around here is the aroma of food... But I'm going to get to eat all that after everyone finishes. I am even wondering if there'll be any icecream left! I am only thinking all this and not saying it not because I am afraid but because this damn band (costed a bomb) won't stop blowing the roof off! Anyway at least I know one thing, it's a good thing that I'm getting married only once. More so I have to bear this reception only ONCE!!