Shift delete: Originally in para-schizo

This is the umpteenth time I have shift deleted the whole article. I have tried writing about everything. And in the end highlighted the whole thing and pressed "delete" So I decided why not write about it!

My previous blog I had written without using delete or backspace even once, but this one I have started because a few friends (among my few fans!!!) said I had the potential to be a blogger! Ha now the pressure has got into me.

It's not like I want to impress anyone. No. I still only want to express, but those words of praise for my articles which were just my musings on various things has made the back of my mind start talking to me. Oh how I wish it would shut up!

"What you wrote is dumb!" "You think ppl will like this??" "You're going to get brickbats for this one" "You think you're funny???"

Well, initially I thought of keeping up my original promise of not pressing backspace or delete keys! But the words "You really write well... You make so much sense" kept popping up out of nowhere! But also thoughts crept to my mind.. Isn't what we think half the time there because we put it there? I mean, before this compliment I used to only think of 'express' never 'impress' but now though I want to shift delete the 'impress' I simply can't...

I can't help but wonder... Does praise spoil our creativity? Does fame spoil originality? I mean would Harry Potter 7 have been the same if not for the tremendous popularity of the first book?

I do not know the answer to my questions.. At all. I mean it's all paradoxical.. Which fool would say s/he doesn't like being praised or famous? Who doesn't like being complimented?? We all do.. But at the question of creativity and originality?? I don't know...

That's when I wish I could shift-delete could compliment the effect of compliments...

Why is it that most men don't like to be with women who are strong and mature?

This post is a topic that I have been wanting to write about from a long time. But just didn't know how to go on about it. Thanks to a person (you know who you are :) ) I have finally decided to go right ahead...

Stereotypical movies: the 'hero' walks into the life of the 'damsel in distress' and then she falls head over heels in love with him... If it is not this, the heroine is an immature child-like creature who loves to fuss about and cry most often on the shoulder of her ever-pampering hero! Yet another scenario, where the girl has faced society evils and this man walks in to save her! Hello!!!! Which century are people in? What about the REAL women? The ones who have a mind of their own and are mature enough to handle twenty lives with a smile?

Then again, I am not talking about extreme feminists. No. I am talking about those normal women who have a life. They have dreams, a career and social lives which they juggle around beautifully. But if you notice, these women seldom have men in their lives who accept them the way they are...

Men, they like protecting their women. Well, some women I already mentioned like that. But most women would rather have a guy who would walk with them rather than act like a hero! But most men like boosting their ego by telling the girl, "look I can protect you" or worse "You are so cute like a kid, I can take care of you"

Coming to the society, how many time have you heard this? "He is a good guy, he can keep her happy." Why? She can't keep him happy? She doesn't have the ability to do so? She can't support him emotionally as much as he can? She will always have to depend on him???

Coming back, most guys' mentality also seems to be this, whether innate or conditioned by the society's way of thinking... They are simply not ready to walk with a woman through life. If she is strong, they say "anyway she can take care of herself, why does she need anyone?" Or worse, some feel, "Oh my God, if this woman can overpower me I can't take it" and the worst mentality "What is the guarantee that this woman will stay with me? She doesn't need anyone!"

Why do men get so insecure where normal women are concerned? Why is it that even their families tell them to mellow down as they might face problems in their husband's house later? Why can't men simply accept such women as friends? Do they feel that strong and mature women don't need friends? Is it wrong to be able to handle life strongly? Why do only very few men respect such women? Why do they see independent women as a threat to their existence? Why?

The society's mentality and most men thinking this way have made women get stereotyped as those people who must accept change as a part of their lives... Not just surname and home, but the very core of who they are! I am not saying all men are like that! Thank God for that!!

This goes out to all the tragedy kings and queens out there...

No. I am not taking out my vengeance on all those people who have told me that I am sickeningly optimistic. My intention is not to lash out at all the people who say "just because you think you're strong, doesn't mean I am" This goes as a message to all the people who are willing to listen..

I have faced different reactions from those who talk to me when we talk regarding issues, which might have affected them personally or a general issue. Since I always tend to give myself as an example and contrary to what people think, yes I am a megalomaniac but definitely not an egotist, because no egotist would want to improve herself or have the constant need to grow! I only do that because I have lived those examples and giving any other example would make me superficial, because I would never have the entire picture! Anyway, my point is, this post goes out to all those people who have been reading my intentions wrong... This is not a justification, I don't see the need to. It is just what I want to say...

Back to the point, when we look around us we see how people love delving in tragedy. I am talking about most movies, all the nonsensical soaps on tv and most people's way of thinking... Pity is what people seem to look for. Sympathy, compassion, kindness... These words simply irritate me. Especially the pity word...

Digressing, I would like to define sensitivity. Sensitivity is that feeling that one has looking at a not-so-happy person NOT by looking at her or him as a sufferer but by perceiving her or him as a potential survivor. In simple words, NOT judging that person based on what hardships s/he may be going through but by offering a hand to the person promising you will walk with her or him through this. If that's not possible, just leave it at the first step of NOT judging!!!

Coming back to pity: The feeling which makes the sufferer be in a MIRAGE that you care. When you're just looking at her/him as a sufferer. How pathetic is that? You think crying for that person is going to help? No! Snap out of it! Sympathizing may help now. The person might feel you're being kind, but have you made an attempt to actually find out how that person is feeling? Have you put yourself in that person's place to feel how s/he is??? All you're doing my friend is satisfying yourself so that you can tell yourself later "I helped that person!"

Empathy... Empathy is the most misconceived feeling in this world. Empathy reflects optimism, unlike sympathy. When a person is down, s/he is bound to be negative, sympathizing leads to two people drowning into negative glory. This is the trend I have observed. While empathizing, one of the two is optimistic. And this person sounds encouraging and constantly is trying to boost her/his confidence. Yes, it is possible that empathy be read as 'pushing' and 'pressure', but the intentions are only to make that person see that THERE IS A SOLUTION. First to make her/him see what he wants and then encourage her or him to get there by working towards it. The point to be noted is that the person is doing EVERYTHING on her/his own. Empathizers don't just tell her/him that everything will be all right. They make her/him believe that it will. They don't show her/him any new path, they just offer to hold the torch to keep that path well lit... In simple words, they are there when you need them! That should be a great thing, right?

Integrating all the above explanations, I would like to ask you all a few questions... If you've understood what empathy is.. Then why is it that this world defends it? Why is it that the empathizer is looked at an insensitive person trying to push you? Why is the person accused of not understanding? Why is it that the mirage of sympathy (see) is more important than the action (do) of empathy? Why?

Maybe you feel empathizers will start feeling superior once they do achieve their goal of making you see what they want to... But what you don't know is, real empathizers are already on their way to learn and grow some more. They don't look at themselves as heelers. They just feel two people's paths crossed for a purpose and now that purpose is fulfilled. There is no one higher or lower. They are just the people who saw the person suffering as a person just like themselves. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Work more...

These two words irritated someone out of her/his wits. (You know who you are) Anyway back to the topic, What is the meaning of 'work'? It is not the physics work where work is done when a force is applied on a body and it moves a particular distance. No!! It is not the 'job' we interchange with the word 'work'. No!! It is not burden either... Meaning 'work more? how much more can I possibly work?'

'Work more' is that feeling that comes from within. It is present in every single human being who wants to realize her or his dreams. It is those two words which make one realize no matter how much one does, there is always more out there to achieve. And if one level is crossed in the journey called life, there are millions of milestones if you are willing to look..

Elaborating, 'work more' is the short form of 'working towards anything one wants to achieve'. It can be anything, a relationship, a career dream, happiness, anything. And for a person who feels "I have done enough and I am still not getting anything in life. I still am failing" I only want to say "Maybe the direction in which you're working is not enough. Have you seen if you are giving your hundred percent? Have you done everything that you could have possibly done to get what you want? Or are you so interested in the result that you might have missed a few unexplored ways to get there?"

For those who read this, you know by now, I believe in asking questions to make people think. Because there is no set answer to anything. But one thing is common between all of us. ALL of us have the ability to find answers to these questions and reflect on them (if we want to) And it is seriously up to us to believe in whether or not we can do it.

I have no time for myself. That question was out of syllabus. It's just my fate! God willed this to happen to me... Why do we say all this?

Yes I got that award. Yes I worked hard. Yes they were the fruits of my prayer? --> Why do we say this?

If you notice the first paragraph has no I, if it does, it's always not directed towards the I. But the second one?? It has I written all over it! Why?? Why do we want credit and praise all the time? Why that false sense of pride? And why don't we accept if something we don't like happens? Why don't we take responsibility for any and everything in our lives?

Faith - what is it?

Faith is that infinite belief in my own self that I can face anything external positive or negative (both are relative and everything turns positive with time..) without disturbing my internal peace and happiness!

What a definition!! Ideal and saint like!! Definitely I am not following the above 100 percent!! (ha ha!) but making an attempt is taking one step forward... Isn't it??

Again I am in a very preachy mood so thought I'll talk about the thing that I think about the most. What is being caring? What is being interfering? What is being dominating? What is being imposing? And where should one draw the line?

Are the four questions answerable individually? I don't think so. I mean to be caring, sometimes one needs to be interfering, imposing and if absolutely necessary dominating! So does this mean it is right to be caring? Can one ONLY be caring without being the rest?

To make things less complicated I am not going to take up an example with a family member. So let me take a simple example of a friend. If a friend who is really close to me is facing a problem and I can see that the person needs me? What can I do? How can I be caring without interfering? All I can think of is listening to her / him uninterrupted.

What if the problem s/he is facing is pretty serious? Like say s/he has got into a bad habit / trouble. Now how do I be caring without imposing? And worse if an adult has to be involved, will I tell on her/him? Wouldn't that be interfering? Would I risk my friendship for her/his wellbeing? Am I doing the right thing? After all I am being a tattle tale right?? I have no answer to these questions! As of now, I'd leave that person alone. Friend or not, everyone is an individual with right to choice, right? Even if the choice may not seem all that right to me... But am I doing the right thing???

So many questions! My head is reeling more now. What are the factors on which one can draw the line between caring and imposing? Is it ok if some people dominate over you? A friend once told me liberty is only taken when it is extended to us. Then again I ask, how much liberty? Does it depend on how close two people are? And is the closeness threatened when the imposing / interference is too much? Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhh!!!

Coming to my point of view, regarding my behaviour with others... (this is so much easier than generalizng it!) I believe in letting the person be, with least amount of interference as possible! But that does not mean I don't care! But if it is a person who matters more than my principles, I don't know what would happen! I might dominate and impose! But is that right? Maybe to a certain extent! But keeping that person's feelings in mind should be my priority, right? But will it be???

Have you ever experienced this? A person has hurt you really badly... That person was really close (that's why it hurts more) What are the first questions that cross your mind? "Why did s/he do that to me? Why did this happen? Why did I have to face this???" - right? What is common here? - Obviously the "why'

Whether we think we are being saintly and 'taking responsibility' asking "what did I do wrong?" or whether we be plain satanic "How dare s/he do this to me" the plain fact of matter is, our mind is asking one question - "why did this happen?"

Then we go through the emotional roller coaster (it seems different for each person, but the ingredients are essentially the same, just varies in quantity!!) - Hurt, anger, sadness, nostalgia, more anger, self pity, even more anger, fear, more fear, defiance, resistance, more resistance, most self pity... leading to either of this - going into a shell, refusing to trust anyone else, cold war with others, false sense of pride, etc etc etc! Whatever the consequence the reason is the same!

With time this emotional roller coaster makes us either more wise (hehehe so we think!) or other wise!! Forgetting the case of the other wise (Politely known as psychotic) we become wise. But when do we become wise? Obviously when we are over the whole episode and have moved on! When are we over and when do we know we have moved on??

As a doctor I would have said, all the symptoms (hurt, anger, sadness, nostalgia, more anger, etc) die down... But logically, it's just one thing - the "why" is answered. It is answered with the passage of time! If it isn't, then we have not let gone! At all!

Most often, at least for me, shocking thing is that the question is more important than the person, because once the question is answered I feel nothing for that person... What if the person is more important?? I mean, even after being hurt by that person, if I feel the same connection with that person? Maybe it's possible, if that person made attempts to reconcile as well, in that case the questions are answered even before the roller coaster ride!!! But what if the person mattered more than the question? Is that even possible???