I have no time for myself. That question was out of syllabus. It's just my fate! God willed this to happen to me... Why do we say all this?

Yes I got that award. Yes I worked hard. Yes they were the fruits of my prayer? --> Why do we say this?

If you notice the first paragraph has no I, if it does, it's always not directed towards the I. But the second one?? It has I written all over it! Why?? Why do we want credit and praise all the time? Why that false sense of pride? And why don't we accept if something we don't like happens? Why don't we take responsibility for any and everything in our lives?

Faith - what is it?

Faith is that infinite belief in my own self that I can face anything external positive or negative (both are relative and everything turns positive with time..) without disturbing my internal peace and happiness!

What a definition!! Ideal and saint like!! Definitely I am not following the above 100 percent!! (ha ha!) but making an attempt is taking one step forward... Isn't it??

Again I am in a very preachy mood so thought I'll talk about the thing that I think about the most. What is being caring? What is being interfering? What is being dominating? What is being imposing? And where should one draw the line?

Are the four questions answerable individually? I don't think so. I mean to be caring, sometimes one needs to be interfering, imposing and if absolutely necessary dominating! So does this mean it is right to be caring? Can one ONLY be caring without being the rest?

To make things less complicated I am not going to take up an example with a family member. So let me take a simple example of a friend. If a friend who is really close to me is facing a problem and I can see that the person needs me? What can I do? How can I be caring without interfering? All I can think of is listening to her / him uninterrupted.

What if the problem s/he is facing is pretty serious? Like say s/he has got into a bad habit / trouble. Now how do I be caring without imposing? And worse if an adult has to be involved, will I tell on her/him? Wouldn't that be interfering? Would I risk my friendship for her/his wellbeing? Am I doing the right thing? After all I am being a tattle tale right?? I have no answer to these questions! As of now, I'd leave that person alone. Friend or not, everyone is an individual with right to choice, right? Even if the choice may not seem all that right to me... But am I doing the right thing???

So many questions! My head is reeling more now. What are the factors on which one can draw the line between caring and imposing? Is it ok if some people dominate over you? A friend once told me liberty is only taken when it is extended to us. Then again I ask, how much liberty? Does it depend on how close two people are? And is the closeness threatened when the imposing / interference is too much? Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhh!!!

Coming to my point of view, regarding my behaviour with others... (this is so much easier than generalizng it!) I believe in letting the person be, with least amount of interference as possible! But that does not mean I don't care! But if it is a person who matters more than my principles, I don't know what would happen! I might dominate and impose! But is that right? Maybe to a certain extent! But keeping that person's feelings in mind should be my priority, right? But will it be???

Have you ever experienced this? A person has hurt you really badly... That person was really close (that's why it hurts more) What are the first questions that cross your mind? "Why did s/he do that to me? Why did this happen? Why did I have to face this???" - right? What is common here? - Obviously the "why'

Whether we think we are being saintly and 'taking responsibility' asking "what did I do wrong?" or whether we be plain satanic "How dare s/he do this to me" the plain fact of matter is, our mind is asking one question - "why did this happen?"

Then we go through the emotional roller coaster (it seems different for each person, but the ingredients are essentially the same, just varies in quantity!!) - Hurt, anger, sadness, nostalgia, more anger, self pity, even more anger, fear, more fear, defiance, resistance, more resistance, most self pity... leading to either of this - going into a shell, refusing to trust anyone else, cold war with others, false sense of pride, etc etc etc! Whatever the consequence the reason is the same!

With time this emotional roller coaster makes us either more wise (hehehe so we think!) or other wise!! Forgetting the case of the other wise (Politely known as psychotic) we become wise. But when do we become wise? Obviously when we are over the whole episode and have moved on! When are we over and when do we know we have moved on??

As a doctor I would have said, all the symptoms (hurt, anger, sadness, nostalgia, more anger, etc) die down... But logically, it's just one thing - the "why" is answered. It is answered with the passage of time! If it isn't, then we have not let gone! At all!

Most often, at least for me, shocking thing is that the question is more important than the person, because once the question is answered I feel nothing for that person... What if the person is more important?? I mean, even after being hurt by that person, if I feel the same connection with that person? Maybe it's possible, if that person made attempts to reconcile as well, in that case the questions are answered even before the roller coaster ride!!! But what if the person mattered more than the question? Is that even possible???