Saturday, November 13, 2010

Matrimonial sites - the world's worst creation

I have categorized this set of posts as ----> from the sickeningly optimistic to the cynic!

There are two things, only two things in this world that I regret. One of them is registering myself in a matrimonial site. I did it as a 'trial'. I guess my blog speaks about my views on relationships, so I needn't give a recap! Anyway, I was shocked at the way relationships are made out to be a joke in these sites. No photo, no expression of interests. And yes, no matter how dark or fat the guy is, he wants a fair beautiful damsel, preferably homely. My foot! Anyway, this is typical of every ad for marriage. What is worse about these sites? Lots more!!

First and foremost the express interest through a button and canceling it with the same button is idiotic! What is this? Some kind of game? And there is actually an option to select all and express interest. Chance maaro, lage toh theek hai, nahiin toh forget it?? What nonsense. Isn't it enough that my generation males and females already treat everything like a game?

The next thing that is absolutely idiotic is the 'pay' part. Pay to view contact details! How idiotic. Is it some shop? First of all I think matrimonial sites are idiotic to the core, why the freaking hell would I pay for it? And the success stories??? They are the worst!

Another thing about these is the safety aspect. Their stupid stamp or seal for verification is not enough to see if the person is really interested or is doing time pass. Or worse, he thinks it is just another dating site.

I can go on about how these sites promote materialism and treating human beings like shopping items. But I guess, I am done for now.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Plants need nurturing to grow, just like relationships...

For once I am not going to question, because this is something I have observed. And I have experienced it myself. I have also heard people say, "Those two look so good together", if it is a couple. Or "what a close knit family" or "Look at those friends, they are so close..." But do people realize, great relationships don't happen, but one needs to work towards it??

Yes, maybe I am repeating myself, but the other day I had spoken about working towards what one wanted in general. Today it is about relationships.

When we start a relationship, that is the initial stage of getting to know a person, it is analogous to sowing a seed. This becomes the first and the most important step. But many a time, I have noticed that after this stage, the seed is just left alone. Yes, maybe the rain and other external stimuli will make it grow, but will the plant be green? Will she flower and bloom? Nope, there will just be a wilted plant which will be cared for once in a while...

Bringing this philosophy to relationships, if you read all these magazines which according to me mislead people about 'love' and blah, they talk about the initial excitement of relationships which die down after a while. 'Relationship experts' often talk about rekindling the interest in a relationship. Well, I never narrow down only to male female type of relationship, even friends drift away for various reasons. Anyway, not digressing too much my point is, from the very beginning if we take pains and care to have an insight into the people close to us, taking care of small things, will there ever be a necessity to rediscover a relationship? Small things like connecting with those we care every time we can helps so much. A small action speaks so much more than just words which may have no value unless they are meant from the heart. Time, care, thoughtfulness, taking that extra step to bring a smile a loved one's face is so much more important than sweet talk or gifts.

One most important thing in my opinion about relationships is the fact that we need to value people who are there in our lives. This value adds so much more happiness quotient and vibrancy to the relationship and THAT's what makes people glow. That's what makes people say "Wow, how lucky you are to have her/him in your life" I just want to say "it's not luck my dear, they worked towards it, and it shows..."

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Meaning of meaning - originally in para-schizo

Second post today with similar titles. But this I mean what I mean. And say what I say.And say what I mean and mean what I say!!

Ok, Jokes apart... I have always seen we all do something for a meaning. Everything has a meaning. A purpose, a definition, why? If you look at it, I'm trying to add meaning to this article as well by the question why...

Why does everything have a name? an identity? a label? Why does everything we do have a purpose? a set agenda? a meaning? Why can't we just stick to random adjectives? Why does matching take place? Matching of a particular adjective to a particular thing? More so, if a person has behaved in a particular way, why is s/he looked at in THAT particular way? Why is there a label attached to her/him?

Coming back to meaning in the true sense, I remember how much I hated definitions in school. Ok mostly because they were too long and abstruse! But also because they made no sense. I have always asked and continue to ask why is there a need to define everything. Why not just learn how it works? For eg why should I learn about malleability? Isn't it enough if I know metals can be cut into thin sheets? This brings me to a small digression - A person who cuts the sheet of metal say a not so educated person, knows that the metal can be cut into sheets. He just doesn't know that jargon - malleability! So can I conclude that the difference between an educated person and an uneducated person is just that the former knows how it works and the latter only knows the definition???

We can also look at meaning from a different perspective. Meaning as in purpose. What's in it for me? What is the benefit? How will it help me tomorrow? Yes, I know about Urguay's (kungfu Panda) quote "today is a gift, that's why it is called the present" but that's not my point... My point is why is meaning added to all we do? Study? For marks? Degree? For job? Has anyone ever done anything just like that?? For the heck of it? with no meaning or purpose???

Finally coming to the worst part of meaning. As it is, meanings can be bad, but what about overdose of it? I mean adding meaning to something is trying to understand what is not and not what is!!! Adding meaning to everything, reading between lines. Ironically there is neither purpose, nor future nor sensibility involved!

On a lighter note, I have seen so many people (many a time me as well) using "I mean" Next time I'd like to ask ourselves, do we really have to???

Stress on stress - originally in para-schizo

Stress - The simple reason why I haven't been blogging. Yeah I know, great excuse. But I just realized how unnecessary this whole stress is..

My stress is to do with work. So I was like, who doesn't get stressed at work?? So I thought it was normal. But hey no that's simply not true. Stress is bad for us, that's it. Without preaching let me explain. What is stress? Stress is pressure that we decide to take on ourselves, a choice made by us. I mean, if I choose not to get stressed, I won't right?

But is it that simple?? Unfortunately not. Some things , especially challenges shot at me affect me. Anybody telling me "you can't do it" I just have to, and since my boss knows that's my weakness...

Anyway I have thought about the whole thing calmly. Stress is simply not good. Challenges have to be accepted but not at my or anybody's cost. That's stupidity. In the past few days my temper has risen so many times for small things. will I be able to undo all of that? Will my scowl solve matters? My pressurizing people because of getting pressurized in turn won't do me or anyone any good right?

At the same time, it is inevitable. But when I see chain smokers and addicts (to various stimulants) I feel, at least I'm not her/him!! But still it is inevitable. Boss's words, clients getting upset, team mates not cooperating all can get on one's nerves. And it will continue to do so! But the only point is not to bring it home.

Trust me to give an excuse for 4 paragraphs saying the same thing over and over. Ok, truth is I am trying to deal with work pressure myself (I hate the word stress!) so can't give gyan about it!!!

Attention? Stand at ease!!! - originally from para-schizo

Nope! I am not here to give lessons in march past! I didn't learn it properly myself! (He he he) Anyway why do we behave in a way we do? Isn't it for attention? Or the lack thereof? Or to avoid it? Anything and everything we do falls in one of the three above categories... Isn't it?

Twitter, Facebook status, Orkut status, blogs... These only prove my point. Yes not everyone updates her/his status. But doesn't that attract attention too in the long run? We can say, naa people don't care. But come on, social sites are for catching up with old friends, and old friends stay in touch, so a lack of update of status can actually call for an old friend's attention! "What's up with you?" Sounds familiar??

Now coming to real life relationships, isn't attention the main criterion here as well? Whether with friends or parents or relatives or partner, whether we call it spending time, staying in touch, or taking time off for that person.. whatever it is, it all zeroes down to one thing, our attention on that person at that time...

Giving our opinion about someone, complimenting, praising, criticizing, commenting.. It all shows attention. Ironically, ignoring also reflects attention. Boycotting, the most!! The person being boycotted is clearly more in the limelight than a person being complimented(!!) What about secretive people? Are they asking for attention too? Or is it that they just end up getting it because of being the centre of people's curiosity??

While talking about attention, we can't forget two things. Popularity and fame. What's the difference between the two? The similarity is that they are the centre of attention all the time! The difference, in my opinion, is that popularity is amongst a small group and because of the person herself/himself. While fame is on a larger scale, known for a deed / profession / something they do. So all famous people are popular but not viceversa!!

Jumping on, I can't resist but talk about diplomacy! What do diplomatic people do? They talk indirectly. They take no sides. They do all this for not getting into trouble or to shy away from attention, but do they realize they are the ones most talked about?? Paradoxical isn't it??

Advertising, marketing, parties, ... Yes corporate life... We earn our rice and sambhar (I don't eat bread and butter) because of attention. From our clients. From our customers... Oof!

The more I write about this topic, the more I realize how irrational I am being when I say I don't like attention! More specifically, the centre of it. Then again, should I think I am the epicentre of the world all the time? hehehhehe! Bad joke. Like it or not, it is inevitable. But, I just want to be the centre of 'those' people's world. And they know who they are...

Who is disabled? - originally in para-schizo

As children all of us are innocent, ignorant about a lot of things... our minds are simple and there is no prejudice... Then one day.. All of us grow up. Gone are the days of innocence and forgiveness. We start getting increasingly bitter, we read between the lines, we think of revenge and ego powers us...

Petey, my favourite book till date, is about a boy with cerebral palsy. He can't talk properly, but his healing touch and smile lightened up many lives. He could never understand sarcasm or bitterness. For him his life was about spreading joy...

What made Rizwan in My name is Khan click? His disability, more so the fact that Rizwan was genuine. He was as innocent as an infant and ignorant of sarcasm! For him it was WYSIWYG! He will do anything for the people he loves. Even if it may sound stupid to others, even if it could be dangerous...

Where is our genuinity? Why are we so prejudiced? Why is it difficult for us to forgive? Why can't we be happy with simple things in life? Why do we put ego first? I think the answer to all questions comes from the fact that we think so much. Even as I write this I am thinking, can I even relate to what I am saying? I mean it was beautiful to read the book and watch the movie, but can I EVER associate myself with them?

Now who's normal? They or us??

Reception deception - originally in para-schizo

I think the title is enough to explain my distaste about receptions! So let's jump to the reasons. Let me first start with a disclaimer: I don't mind attending receptions, the following is from the poor groom and bride's POV. I cannot be the groom even empathetically (gender issues hehehehe) So from the POV of the abla nari bride...

As I walk into the hall, I felt like a bakri. Only one completely painted. My sari yes, silk sari, Kancheevarm silk sari was making me choke. And adding to the icing on my cake was my jewellery. The necklace, the girdle, the forehead hanging, the earring, and the thing hanging between my ear and hair. Waitaminut did I tell you I can't feel my hair. There are jasmine flowers, orange flowers, roses, all hanging... My poor head. Head se yaad aaya. Apart from a gold thing hanging on my forehead there is some strange red and white dots on both sides of my forehead threatening to get smudged since I'm sweating... eeeeee.. btw that was my smile for the entry to the dais. Hey I am not an apsara.. why the stage?? And what the hell is a throne doing there? or is it for Mr. Indra?? hehhehe. It's the most ridiculous looking throne anyway. Flash, click, click. Why am I feeling so hot? Oh yeah, this garland. Now I feel like a politician as well. Jai ho!! Only thing like an american First lady since he is wearing a suit! With a tie(!!!) Oh why?? That was a pun... For rhyming and I mean OH WHY! Anyway. I've just entered and I wish everyone would just disappear. I really don't want to know what's in those gift boxes or I don't want anymore bouquets! I feel like a bouquet myself and once more this cameraman asks me to smile I'll throw my teeth at him!!!!!! Grrrr... The only thing that's good around here is the aroma of food... But I'm going to get to eat all that after everyone finishes. I am even wondering if there'll be any icecream left! I am only thinking all this and not saying it not because I am afraid but because this damn band (costed a bomb) won't stop blowing the roof off! Anyway at least I know one thing, it's a good thing that I'm getting married only once. More so I have to bear this reception only ONCE!!

What they did not teach me in engineering college - originally in para-schizo

No, this post is not to crib about Engineering College. Not entirely at least. This post is to actually appreciate engineering as a science and an art. Design - this is a word most of us engineers use without realizing the intricacies involved in it. For an Engineering student design is just about solving a few word problems in the subject. Unfortunately Engineering Design Drawing is just tracing out the equipment onto an a2 size sheet for marks. For a designer in office, it is about calculation, theories, assumptions. Assume losses, values of co-efficients, factors of safety so on and so forth...

What is my point? Why am I talking about design from different points of view, because I feel now after interacting for a few days with a particular client I am able to understand the real and true sense of design. So, the site engineer is the real designer. S/he who does the job is the designer. The Engineer in office has to back her/him up completely.

Did you know that the failure of a simple joint between the bridge wall and floor more so a nut and bolt holding the two has caused the collapse of so many bridges? If one steel rod is not bent properly during the foundation of a building, there could be cracks in the building at a later stage? So basically even though the theory is important, engineering and design is about practical application which we are clueless about in college.

The client's questions are ringing in my mind... "How will the anchor fasteners be fastened into the concrete? till what depth will the fasteners penetrate? What precautions will be taken before the concrete is poured..." I shudder to look at all the nails and screws driven in my house walls. What is the factor of safety??? hehehehehe

On a more serious note, all this does matter. details matter, how one applies one's learning matter. Cramming the formula is not enough. Which formula to use at which time is more important. If one can derive the formula on the spot using dimensional analysis, that's an icing on the cake. These are the fundamentals that my college should have taught me. What is to be used when!!!

I would like to conclude with a heartfelt thanks to our client who has finally made me understand why I learnt what I learnt for 4 long years. Those ros, and gammas actually have a meaning. They all make sense to a commonman as well, not as symbols / co-efficients but as those parameters that will keep them safe! Every single detail matters. So next time you switch on the light, look at the switch, look at the wall, look the bulb, look at the room designed... All have been designed, with care and engineered for us. And trust me, it's not a small thing....

When you badly want something and there is a huge wall, it only shows how badly you want it - Randy Pausch - originally in para-schizo

This statement made by Randy Pausch really made me start thinking about it and it is actually absolutely true. Dreams - they define most of our lives. Especially mine anyway. But fulfilling every single one of one's dreams is not at all easy. And so many times when something doesn't go our way, we get disappointed...

But wait, what if we really want it? What if we are ready to get it at any cost? It could be anything, wanting to be the topper, a seat at the topmost B school, someone's friendship, a person whom one sees as a life partner, a job in the best company... simply anything!!! But is it easy to get all this? How much does one have to work for it? How much does one has to 'sacrifice'?

Ok, I simply don't believe in sacrifice. Because first of all, if I really want something, I must be ready to do and face all it takes. It's a choice I have made, so barriers are bound to come. Barriers of so many kinds... Obstacles... walls... The more you want it, the higher the wall gets making the journey all the more interesting...

Waitaminut!!! Did I say barriers? Am I not contradicting myself? I mean, sacrifice and barrier both sound as if I am doing someone else a favour. I want to achieve my dream. I want to reach my destination. I can only see my goal... Means I have to face everything as a challenge right? So the wall is my challenge. How I climb it is up to me...

Coming back to the barriers, they can be bizarre, unreasonable and sometimes absolutely unnecessary. And it's the worst when it's a feeling of 'I'm there, but still not there!' That moment what's going on in my mind??? I can see it. I want it. Now. Very badly. And I will have it. And I will do whatever it takes...

But what does Randy Pausch actually mean when he is talking about the barriers and the high walls? And that sometimes the wall gets so high, that it becomes difficult to see the top?? Well I see it as how much I value my dream. It's not just the ardour with which I'll work towards it, but also, the value attached... The journey that I take, it could be right, wrong, difficult, easy, still I learn at every step.

So if I value every brick I climb over the wall as a potential to learn, even when I finally do get to the other side, I'll only see a much higher wall waiting for me showing me a pathway to more dreams...

10 things my school didn't teach me... Or worse taught me wrong... - originally in para-schizo

1. What was taught: Stand up while you answer in class!
What went wrong: I stood up in a Group Discussion during my campus interview post graduation and the supervisor asked if I needed to go to the rest room(!!!)
What I learnt: a) You don't necessarily mean that you respect the person if you're standing up!
b) You definitely don't NEED to get respect if you're standing!
c) Standing too much will cause pain to you and others around you. Laughing till THEIR sides ache!!

2. What was not taught: Understanding is important, not over mugging
Whaat went wrong: Everything. I need to go back to 17x1=17 to get to 17x9!
What I learnt: Knowing "How do you like to go up in the swing?" that I learnt in third standard doesn't mean I have a great memory. I still don't know the difference between pulmonary vein and aorta!

3. What was taught wrong: The way the human body functions!
What went wrong: May I ask you bio ma'am why the devil were you laughing in class? What's so funny about a life process?
What I learnt: Some of the most natural things in life are self-taught!!

4. What was taught: When teacher says yes, we all say yes...
What went wrong: I didn't know a NOT gate existed, Boolean Algebra!
What I learnt: Hitler died, leaving his followers behind, whom we follow as kids!

5. What was preached: Do you remember the good egg rotten egg sermon??? (Courtesy SVCE)
What went wrong: Nothing. Except that we didn't listen to the sermon
What I learnt: Just exchange the good egg and rotton egg labels (Guys if you're really smart you'd have got this one, girls I know you all did!)

6. What was screamed: DISCIPLINE please!
What went wrong: Attention, stand at ease, quiet please!!!
What I learnt: a) You need to be a soldier to learn discipline
b) I still don't know the spelling of disiplin
c) Do they know the MEANING of discipline?

7. What was told: Pin drop silence
What went wrong: Ok ppl let's pass notes. Class poll!
What I learnt: Want to talk? Who needs phones? Bits of paper are enough! What an idea madamji!

8. What was prescribed: Too many textbooks
What went wrong: Almost everything: print, spelling, information, dates...
What I learnt: Prescribe real books instead. Encyclopedia. Or simply say GOOGLE. At least we would know Mr. galileo didn't invent the telescope!!

9. What was given: HOMEWORK
What went wrong: Copying from text book to notebook is as bad as cheating in examinations!
What I learnt: DITTO!!!!

10. What was given: HOLIDAY HOMEWORK
What went wrong: That's a crime!! Save us!! Conserve our happiness, it's more scarce than petrol!
What I learnt: All children and sane adults will like my post and me! Others need to learn Boolean Algebra....

Picture perfect??? - Originally in para-schizo

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most hideous of them all?" "Me me me!" Nope this is not a 'self derogatory' statement. Not at all. You'd be saying the same if you saw a photograph and went "This person looks familiar, hasn't her face bloated up???" and realize it is actually you!

Ok, maybe I am not photogenic, but I definitely do not have hideously inflated arms! Nor do I have vampire eyes (red as... oops! read as blood red...) Nor do I... forget it! Let me focus on the positive aspect of this.. Few years down the line if I want to model a scare crow I could use this photo (!!!)

Before people think I am paranoid let me justify and tell you that I am actually being vain! I am a good photographer (People say so! Hey I already accepted I was being vain!) According to me there is just one more person who I know who is a better photograper... (Vanity meter on the rise!) And ppl like it when I photograph them (Vanity meter alarm!!).

Though I don't know much about the techniques of photography, I know for sure the angle matters, so does the ease of the person being photographed. A person at ease always looks better than a person trying to pose. It's just plain logic...

I accept I don't know who took 'this' photo of mine, some ''professional'' (!!!) And glad I don't know him (!!!) Anyway, my point is, ppl who have taken photos of me are always asking me to smile looking at the camera and I am like "I can't smile at the camera. It is not my friend!" Ok how difficult is it to smile, you may ask, for which I have no answer!! I simply say keep it natural, click when you know s/he is ready, not when s/he thinks s/he is!

Truth however is, I am terrible at taking self photos. Errr what do you call a photo that has only half your face?? Surely at least then ppl can't say "You look as you are!!" My point is if your photo is bad, blame the photographer, not yourself...

I wonder what would happen if someone sang to my photo "zara tasveer se tu nikal ke saamne aa!" hehehhehehe

Shift delete: Originally in para-schizo

This is the umpteenth time I have shift deleted the whole article. I have tried writing about everything. And in the end highlighted the whole thing and pressed "delete" So I decided why not write about it!

My previous blog I had written without using delete or backspace even once, but this one I have started because a few friends (among my few fans!!!) said I had the potential to be a blogger! Ha now the pressure has got into me.

It's not like I want to impress anyone. No. I still only want to express, but those words of praise for my articles which were just my musings on various things has made the back of my mind start talking to me. Oh how I wish it would shut up!

"What you wrote is dumb!" "You think ppl will like this??" "You're going to get brickbats for this one" "You think you're funny???"

Well, initially I thought of keeping up my original promise of not pressing backspace or delete keys! But the words "You really write well... You make so much sense" kept popping up out of nowhere! But also thoughts crept to my mind.. Isn't what we think half the time there because we put it there? I mean, before this compliment I used to only think of 'express' never 'impress' but now though I want to shift delete the 'impress' I simply can't...

I can't help but wonder... Does praise spoil our creativity? Does fame spoil originality? I mean would Harry Potter 7 have been the same if not for the tremendous popularity of the first book?

I do not know the answer to my questions.. At all. I mean it's all paradoxical.. Which fool would say s/he doesn't like being praised or famous? Who doesn't like being complimented?? We all do.. But at the question of creativity and originality?? I don't know...

That's when I wish I could shift-delete could compliment the effect of compliments...

Why is it that most men don't like to be with women who are strong and mature?

This post is a topic that I have been wanting to write about from a long time. But just didn't know how to go on about it. Thanks to a person (you know who you are :) ) I have finally decided to go right ahead...

Stereotypical movies: the 'hero' walks into the life of the 'damsel in distress' and then she falls head over heels in love with him... If it is not this, the heroine is an immature child-like creature who loves to fuss about and cry most often on the shoulder of her ever-pampering hero! Yet another scenario, where the girl has faced society evils and this man walks in to save her! Hello!!!! Which century are people in? What about the REAL women? The ones who have a mind of their own and are mature enough to handle twenty lives with a smile?

Then again, I am not talking about extreme feminists. No. I am talking about those normal women who have a life. They have dreams, a career and social lives which they juggle around beautifully. But if you notice, these women seldom have men in their lives who accept them the way they are...

Men, they like protecting their women. Well, some women I already mentioned like that. But most women would rather have a guy who would walk with them rather than act like a hero! But most men like boosting their ego by telling the girl, "look I can protect you" or worse "You are so cute like a kid, I can take care of you"

Coming to the society, how many time have you heard this? "He is a good guy, he can keep her happy." Why? She can't keep him happy? She doesn't have the ability to do so? She can't support him emotionally as much as he can? She will always have to depend on him???

Coming back, most guys' mentality also seems to be this, whether innate or conditioned by the society's way of thinking... They are simply not ready to walk with a woman through life. If she is strong, they say "anyway she can take care of herself, why does she need anyone?" Or worse, some feel, "Oh my God, if this woman can overpower me I can't take it" and the worst mentality "What is the guarantee that this woman will stay with me? She doesn't need anyone!"

Why do men get so insecure where normal women are concerned? Why is it that even their families tell them to mellow down as they might face problems in their husband's house later? Why can't men simply accept such women as friends? Do they feel that strong and mature women don't need friends? Is it wrong to be able to handle life strongly? Why do only very few men respect such women? Why do they see independent women as a threat to their existence? Why?

The society's mentality and most men thinking this way have made women get stereotyped as those people who must accept change as a part of their lives... Not just surname and home, but the very core of who they are! I am not saying all men are like that! Thank God for that!!

This goes out to all the tragedy kings and queens out there...

No. I am not taking out my vengeance on all those people who have told me that I am sickeningly optimistic. My intention is not to lash out at all the people who say "just because you think you're strong, doesn't mean I am" This goes as a message to all the people who are willing to listen..

I have faced different reactions from those who talk to me when we talk regarding issues, which might have affected them personally or a general issue. Since I always tend to give myself as an example and contrary to what people think, yes I am a megalomaniac but definitely not an egotist, because no egotist would want to improve herself or have the constant need to grow! I only do that because I have lived those examples and giving any other example would make me superficial, because I would never have the entire picture! Anyway, my point is, this post goes out to all those people who have been reading my intentions wrong... This is not a justification, I don't see the need to. It is just what I want to say...

Back to the point, when we look around us we see how people love delving in tragedy. I am talking about most movies, all the nonsensical soaps on tv and most people's way of thinking... Pity is what people seem to look for. Sympathy, compassion, kindness... These words simply irritate me. Especially the pity word...

Digressing, I would like to define sensitivity. Sensitivity is that feeling that one has looking at a not-so-happy person NOT by looking at her or him as a sufferer but by perceiving her or him as a potential survivor. In simple words, NOT judging that person based on what hardships s/he may be going through but by offering a hand to the person promising you will walk with her or him through this. If that's not possible, just leave it at the first step of NOT judging!!!

Coming back to pity: The feeling which makes the sufferer be in a MIRAGE that you care. When you're just looking at her/him as a sufferer. How pathetic is that? You think crying for that person is going to help? No! Snap out of it! Sympathizing may help now. The person might feel you're being kind, but have you made an attempt to actually find out how that person is feeling? Have you put yourself in that person's place to feel how s/he is??? All you're doing my friend is satisfying yourself so that you can tell yourself later "I helped that person!"

Empathy... Empathy is the most misconceived feeling in this world. Empathy reflects optimism, unlike sympathy. When a person is down, s/he is bound to be negative, sympathizing leads to two people drowning into negative glory. This is the trend I have observed. While empathizing, one of the two is optimistic. And this person sounds encouraging and constantly is trying to boost her/his confidence. Yes, it is possible that empathy be read as 'pushing' and 'pressure', but the intentions are only to make that person see that THERE IS A SOLUTION. First to make her/him see what he wants and then encourage her or him to get there by working towards it. The point to be noted is that the person is doing EVERYTHING on her/his own. Empathizers don't just tell her/him that everything will be all right. They make her/him believe that it will. They don't show her/him any new path, they just offer to hold the torch to keep that path well lit... In simple words, they are there when you need them! That should be a great thing, right?

Integrating all the above explanations, I would like to ask you all a few questions... If you've understood what empathy is.. Then why is it that this world defends it? Why is it that the empathizer is looked at an insensitive person trying to push you? Why is the person accused of not understanding? Why is it that the mirage of sympathy (see) is more important than the action (do) of empathy? Why?

Maybe you feel empathizers will start feeling superior once they do achieve their goal of making you see what they want to... But what you don't know is, real empathizers are already on their way to learn and grow some more. They don't look at themselves as heelers. They just feel two people's paths crossed for a purpose and now that purpose is fulfilled. There is no one higher or lower. They are just the people who saw the person suffering as a person just like themselves. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Work more...

These two words irritated someone out of her/his wits. (You know who you are) Anyway back to the topic, What is the meaning of 'work'? It is not the physics work where work is done when a force is applied on a body and it moves a particular distance. No!! It is not the 'job' we interchange with the word 'work'. No!! It is not burden either... Meaning 'work more? how much more can I possibly work?'

'Work more' is that feeling that comes from within. It is present in every single human being who wants to realize her or his dreams. It is those two words which make one realize no matter how much one does, there is always more out there to achieve. And if one level is crossed in the journey called life, there are millions of milestones if you are willing to look..

Elaborating, 'work more' is the short form of 'working towards anything one wants to achieve'. It can be anything, a relationship, a career dream, happiness, anything. And for a person who feels "I have done enough and I am still not getting anything in life. I still am failing" I only want to say "Maybe the direction in which you're working is not enough. Have you seen if you are giving your hundred percent? Have you done everything that you could have possibly done to get what you want? Or are you so interested in the result that you might have missed a few unexplored ways to get there?"

For those who read this, you know by now, I believe in asking questions to make people think. Because there is no set answer to anything. But one thing is common between all of us. ALL of us have the ability to find answers to these questions and reflect on them (if we want to) And it is seriously up to us to believe in whether or not we can do it.