Whether we think we are being saintly and 'taking responsibility' asking "what did I do wrong?" or whether we be plain satanic "How dare s/he do this to me" the plain fact of matter is, our mind is asking one question - "why did this happen?"
Then we go through the emotional roller coaster (it seems different for each person, but the ingredients are essentially the same, just varies in quantity!!) - Hurt, anger, sadness, nostalgia, more anger, self pity, even more anger, fear, more fear, defiance, resistance, more resistance, most self pity... leading to either of this - going into a shell, refusing to trust anyone else, cold war with others, false sense of pride, etc etc etc! Whatever the consequence the reason is the same!
With time this emotional roller coaster makes us either more wise (hehehe so we think!) or other wise!! Forgetting the case of the other wise (Politely known as psychotic) we become wise. But when do we become wise? Obviously when we are over the whole episode and have moved on! When are we over and when do we know we have moved on??
As a doctor I would have said, all the symptoms (hurt, anger, sadness, nostalgia, more anger, etc) die down... But logically, it's just one thing - the "why" is answered. It is answered with the passage of time! If it isn't, then we have not let gone! At all!
Most often, at least for me, shocking thing is that the question is more important than the person, because once the question is answered I feel nothing for that person... What if the person is more important?? I mean, even after being hurt by that person, if I feel the same connection with that person? Maybe it's possible, if that person made attempts to reconcile as well, in that case the questions are answered even before the roller coaster ride!!! But what if the person mattered more than the question? Is that even possible???
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